The best/worst fanfic ever. (Besides My Immortal.)

Once upon a time in an unknown city, there lived two fellows of importance: Thomas Light and Albert Wily.

Now these fellows were good friends and by good friends I mean lovers. Wily was there when Light's father died and his death brought the two together. At first it was a business partnership but it soon blossomed into a loving relationship.

They were in the misery, I mean, robot business. They were trying to make the world a better place, or at least Light was. Wily got greedy and started obsessing over their work. This bothered Light. He would make a delicious dinner and sit for hours waiting for Wily to come home. Of course, Wily never came home until extremely late into the night. This is where our real story starts...

Light was laying in bed when he heard the lock turn. Wily closed the door and tried to slink into the room without waking his lover.

"So, how was work?" Light irritatedly asked.

"Oh... you know... work." Wily coldly responded while getting in bed.

Light rolled over so his tears wouldn't be showing.


The next day Light went into town to get some parts for his most recent project. As he was paying for his parts, he saw the most beautiful woman. His breath caught in his throat as her eyes met his.

"Hi, I'm Emily." She spoke.
"I, uh -- uhm, I'm Tom." He softly responded hoping his beard was good at hiding his blushing cheeks.

That day was the day when Thomas Light went straight for Emily Stanton.

Thomas knew that he would have to tell Albert sooner or later. He chose later.


(Later)


Albert walked in the door promptly at 6PM knowing that Thomas would be pleasantly surprised at this. He looked in the kitchen and saw that there was nothing cooked. It was strange because Thomas always made him dinner even though he rarely showed up in time to eat it.

"Maybe Tom's sick..." he mumbled as he made his way to the bedroom.

He stopped at the door because he heard a muffled giggle. "Tom?" He asked while opening the door. The scene before him made him rage. Tom and Emily were playing strip poker and Tom was losing.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?" Wily yelled as Tom scrambled to get his shirt back on. (Author's note: I do not own that line. Read "My Immortal".)

"Albert, look, I'm leaving you for Emily, ok? I love her. She loves me. I'm tired of being your bitch. You don't even love me anymore do you? You love those damn robots. Robits, robits, robits. That's all you want." Tom said as he got teary eyed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Wily cried as he fell to his knees.

Emily and Thomas gathered their things and left.


Albert laid on the floor wondering what brought upon this change in his Tom. "That damn whore. She's the reason he left me! DAMN HER. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE," he shouted at the empty room.

The next few days Tom and Emily were living life up. She let Tom continue work on his robots as long as he came home promptly at 6PM. On the night of their month anniversary, Emily snuck up to Tom's apartment to make him a surprise dinner. She knew he was working on his project and that he was supposed to be coming home later that evening. When she walked in, there was Wily.

"Sup girl," He said while pouring a cocktail.

"Uh, this isn't your apartment. What the hell are you doing here, hmmm?" She spat at him.

"Well, I know you like Tom and all but I'd really like you to come away with me."

Emily stared at him in disbelief. She laughed and then spoke. "Boy, Tom is/was/and always will be everything a man is supposed to be. Fuck you."

Albert figured she wouldn't fall for Plan A so he fell back on Plan B, like most women do after a one night stand.

"Fine. HAVE IT YOUR WAY." He shouted as his robit came from behind her and slashed her throat.


All while this was happening, Light was at the bar having a few drinks wondering what Emily had planned for the night. It was close to 6 when he stumbled up the stairs to his apartment. After he opened the door and saw Emily's lifeless body, he shouted, "HOLY SMOKES, BATMAN!"

He knew who had done this. Albert.



So then basically he fled the scene and Wily said that Light killed her because she was going to leave him. In the end, the jury found that Thomas Light was innocent and let him go.

Albert Wily took over the city with all of his robots and made it into a booming utopia. Everyone was happy. Everyone but Joe...


Thomas Light had been living alone for a good while when he met Joe. There was an instant attraction there. The Joe Man - as he liked to be called - had passion; he had a motorcycle; he was an all-around badass. Light liked this. Meeting Joe allowed him to fulfill his plans of revenge.

"Joe are you ready, willing, prepared to fight?" He asked Joe Man one night.

"Aye, listen old man, I told you to call me Joe Man. Don't be callin' me Joe cause I ain't no regular Joe, aight?" Joe Man responded.

"Yes, yes... indeed. Anyways, I need you to take this explosive and put it in this tower where my ex-lover keeps broadcasting all of that BS," Light said.

"Explosives. Danger. Slim chance of living." Joe Man said, "Aight, I'm down old man."

And so Joe Man took that bomb and placed it in the building. He then started running but wasn't fast enough. He fell to his death from a height that most men would never reach.

Thomas Light was then again alone... for the most part.





He still had his project. A device. A robot. A MAN.

And he continued to hope to make the world a better place.

...

It was a Friday night and Panther couldn’t contain his excitement. The Protomen were playing in Nashville with bands who they regarded as their allies. These allies had the secret weapon against Wily: BLOW. (For those of you who don’t know, blow is a slang name for some cocaine. You know, the white pony.)

Right before they went on stage to rock out with their male members out, they all did a line. With their watery eyes and itchy noses they walked onto the stage where nothing mattered except… volume control. They did a quick sound check and Panther let out a merciless roar.

The set flew by quickly and after they were done, The Protomen were itching for another line. However, there was none to be found because their allies had left!
“Damn them!” Panther yelled as Heath nibbled at his fingernails with a crazed look in his eyes.

“We… need… more…” Kilroy stuttered.

It was then that they decided to take a trip to downtown Nashville where trouble was hiding in the shadows of Wily’s fortress.

An hour later, The Protomen finally made it downtown to where they were surrounded by hookers. These hookers were extremely attracted to the silvery face paint that shined bright in the moonlight. They circled around the guys as if they were circling their prey.

“Uhhh, do you know where we can score some blow?” Murphy asked as a blonde hooker licked her lips in hunger at him.

The hookers just kept circling and softly growling. Panther looked down at his Zapper and yelled, “THIS CANNOT BE THE ONLY WAY!” while he pulled it out and bashed the closest hooker with it.

She yelped in surprise and when she saw the look in his eyes, she backed down. Seeing her do this, the rest of the hookers stopped their pacing and laid down on the ground singing, “We are the dead”.

They knew they weren’t going to get any money from The Protomen. They knew that their pimp, Wily, was going to be mad. They knew that they couldn’t stop the men from getting some blow. This was their end.

After realizing this, Panther searched a hooker, found some blow, and then proceeded to climb on top of a dumpster and start singing…

“Last night I dreamed I climbed to the top of a mountain of metal and for miles I could see the destruction of man… I will not be the father of death

The others looked at him with a puzzled look and then proceeded to beat up the hookers and take their blow. When they had had their fill, they gathered together and shouted these words into the night air…

“We can’t afford to be innocent. Stand up and face the enemy. It’s a do or die situation. We will be invincible and with the power of conviction there is no sacrifice. It’s a do or die situation. We will be invincible.”